i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
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He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Boobs are out for the taking
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The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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