It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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