I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
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Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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