I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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