I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
