So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
