I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
