ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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