My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
