If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
