hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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