I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
