Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
