She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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