if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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