why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
