we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
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We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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