I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
