i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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