i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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