I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
