I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize