Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
