This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
