took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My life is pants optional.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
