just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
