i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
