I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
a search helicopter?!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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