You can't special order awesome
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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