My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You were trust falling into bushes
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
