I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We left the knife in your bed.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
