The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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