I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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