Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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