I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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