I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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