Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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