That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
