you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
