Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
