No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
