Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
