you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
