Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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