We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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