I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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