wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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