At least make sure they are 18
Why
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
