update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
