I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
operation harelip BJ is a go
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
