K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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