Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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