Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
