I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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