All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
