Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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