He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
