The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
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Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
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She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.