i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.