I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
