Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
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A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
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I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.