I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.