1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...